Big Shoes to Fill..

Baby D loves to check out Daddy's shoes, yesterday he decided to try them on. All I need two boys in my life in love with shoes. :) Sorry the lighting is so bad, it was night and no natural light to be found.

A Couple Favorites ...

Baby D is always standing. I love watching his little legs, and feet move with the awkwardness of not quite having his balance. I love seeing him get on his tip-toes to try and reach something. It is the wonder of things he sees, or does, that I love the most of being a Mom. It is when he realizes if he gets on his tip toes that he can reach a bit further. That the open and close motion of the cabinet makes a noise. And as of late that slamming his hands down on the high chair tray makes the food raise in the air. The little functions that we take for granted, he finds enjoyment in. It is the world through his eyes.






here he is about to break in the pots and pans, although his face is saying "huh, I am not doing anything".

My Nine Month Old !! 

Time goes to fast. Darrian turned the big 9 months on Saturday!! I can't believe it. How fast he is growing up in front of my eyes. He loves to stand, pull up on things, open and close the kitchen cabniets. He is eating lots of new things, and liking most of them. He is obsessed with wheels and things that spin. He will lean over his stroller to look at the wheels go, and gets upset if they stop. Grandma got him a cool animal train, he really likes it. He tips it over on it's side and spins the wheels. He also figured out if you push down on the inside it sings, so he will stand up and dance to is, then lean over push the inside to get it going again. He makes my day so much brighter. 

Getting the music to go.. 

An outpouring of support.. 

When I joined the Mom's group sometime last year when Baby D was just on the way, I did it mainly for him. Mainly for him to have some interaction with babies his own age, someone to maybe get together and have play dates with. I learned fairly quickly I also benefited from knowing these ladies,they knew: what strollers were best, what toy's he would like at what age, where to shop for cloths, what to expect in the NICU when he was born early, formula questions, sleeping questions... these woman had the answers. What I did not realize is how many friendships I would develop personally. How much support I would get not only as a "Mom" , but a person.. when I just brought Baby D home these woman showed up with meals for us, when I needed a job they gave me leads, when I needed a laugh we got together and played games... 

And now after my Dad died they organize a care package that was truly overwhelming and heartfelt. One of the Mom's asked if she and another Mom could meet me or come by to drop something "small" off. Baby D has seen her a couple time's before and took right to her, and flirted a bit. I told them I did not want to open anything and do the "ugly cry", they understood. So later when baby D was in bed, I opened the package. I was blown away. They baked us cookies, and one of the Mom's who organized it all gathered cards from Mom's all over the bay area (some who have even moved to other states and keep in touch), they also included a necklace one of the Mom's had made. It has my Dad's initials on it and a pearl attached. Inside the cards were personal notes from many woman, gift cards to the cheesecake factory, Chili's, Starbucks, offers to babysit so Keith and I could have some time... and on and on it went. I was really overwhelmed by it all. I know how busy life is. I understand how it is hard to find time to take a deep breath sometimes, let alone go out and get a card, gift cards, and so on. I am truly thankful, and feel very blessed to be apart of this group. 

The necklace with "AJ" on it, I am a person who hates to jinx things and I have a diamond cross I wear often. When my Dad got sick 3 years ago I wore it all the time, never took it off. As he got better I got comfortable, but still wore it often. The night of his heart attack I had taken it off, and felt really bad about doing so. Now I can wear this and have something that represents him close to me. 
All the cards.. 

Father's Day was tuff given my Father just passing, but I wanted to make it special for Keith. It was after all his first father's day, and he had made my Mother's Day special even though it was the first since his mother had passed. It was hard since this is the very first Father's Day I did not spend with my Dad. I never moved away, was always close enough to see him, and it was weird not being able to. I tried to shove all that to the back of my mind and have a good day for Keith.

We (Keith, My Mom and I) went to the Claremont for brunch.

It was a lovely day out, and we love their brunch. Darrian loved the waffles too! After that we came home and relaxed and later in the evening I cooked a dinner for Keith that was an ode to my Dad, his favorite steak and mushrooms. They turned out pretty good, and before I went to bed I listened to some of his last messages to me on my phone.. it helps me feel like he is not so far away. Keith said after that he had a really good day, and was very thankful for his gifts, his day, and his son.

Some pictures.

5 years... 

Keith and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary by going out to dinner in Sf at Jardiniere. It was a very nice dinner, although given the state of everything that was going on it was not the way we thought we would spend it celebrating. I think we will try for a re-do when we go to Mazatlan in a month.  I snapped a couple pictures from the dinner, before Keith restricted me to put the camera away :) 

The good before the bad.. 

These are some of the good things that happened before my Dad passed away. The Mom's group and I got together for Game Night, at our clubhouse. We had a blast. Honestly this group of friends I also feel very lucky to have met and gotten to know, the support they have given to me in being a Mother, a person, and even when my Dad died is mind blowing. So we got together to play a few games, share some great food, and a lot of laughs.  

Here are some pictures of the night, we played Taboo, Pictionary, Spoons, and tried to play another one that did not work out because our group was a little to big. 

Kelly brought these to DIE for cupcakes she made. 

Sandra brought the perfect chaser :) 

We toasted to Amy who had just given birth to a baby Boy. 

Sandra has Katie in deep thought.. 

Thank you.. 

I want to thank the outpouring of support we have gotten since my Dad passed away almost a week ago. I have always known I have wonderful friends, it is in time like these I see how blessed we are. 

I know I have not been able to call everyone back like I want to, but honestly I am just now getting to the point where I can mention that he died without crying. I want to talk to you all, but I don't want to blubber through it. I know I owe calls to Tina, Sofia, and several others.. I am getting there.  I want to thank those who sent cards and flowers, it meant a lot that you would take time out of your day to acknowledge our loss. 

To add to the craziness of the last week, I started a new job. I am really excited about it. It has helped keep my mind off things. Focusing on the new. My Dad was excited to hear about my new job, and my last conversation with him was him telling me to come by once I started to tell him all about it. I knew he would want me to start.. it is in San Francisco, and I am finding the bart ride to be easy, and the people to be very nice. It is hard to be away from Baby D, but Keith and my Mom were nice enough to bring him for a lunchtime visit on Friday. 

There will be a memorial in the next couple weeks. I will keep you all posted once details are worked out. 

thank you again, Love you all! 

I want to get on and post about our 5 year wedding anniversary, about a great game night I had with the Mom's, or about Baby D's drs. appointment where we found out he was thriving and is the size of a one year old. 

I would rather post about any of that. Any of it. 

Instead I am posting that my Dad passed away tonight. After a heart attack on early Saturday morning, his body could not keep up the fight. The fight he has been fighting for way too long. So today, a door away from where we said goodbye to Keith's Mom we said goodbye to my Dad. 

We have had a tough year, and I just don't know what to think about it all at this moment. 

Welcome Home Lily..

We had to go to Stockton to drop Bernice off on Wednesday, and we were going to raid the hospital to get a peek at Lily. My phone had died, so it was charging and as I went to call Chris and Julie I saw I had a message from Julie. Lily was on her way home. So I called Chris and he said we could stop by. I felt sort of bad going since she just got home, and I knew her family has barely gotten to spend time with her since she was born. But we were in Stockton, it seemed silly to not stop. Although I was good and did not hold her, and let her family enjoy her. Next time all bets are off :). She is lovely. No surprise there. She looks like Ivy did, but in some ways looks different.. only time will tell. Darrian did not even notice there was a baby in the room, and Ivy was nice enough to let Darrian chew on her toys. It was really sweet Ivy was sitting on the ground next to him singing and Darrian was laughing and dancing to her song. I love his little giggle. Three girls. All very cute, and lots of fun. I look forward to seeing Lily grow, I can't believe Darrian was EVER that small (he was actually smaller at first).



The big sister's with Lily and Mimi.

Ivy checking Lily out.

Such a doll.

Mr. cuteness standing up..

Ivy holding Lily's hand. One of my favorite Memories of Malia is when Ivy was just a tiny tiny baby and we were visiting. Ivy started to cry down the hall. Malia left all her toys mid play and started running down the hall saying "Ivy I'm coming". Something cute about the older sibling nurturing the younger one.
Ivy giving me her tough muscle face showing off her tattoo.. Chris got one too, I did not get a picture but his is real, and very cool. I was happy he finally got it since he has wanted it so long.
Daddy and Lily..

In her bouncer Chris put together..